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Bad Alternative Careers for Lawyers

Ray Bradberry in one of his many demonstrations of foresight, this one all but forgotten, imagined day trading 60 years ago.  In Fahrenheit 451, he refers to the stock market as …the last refuge in the world for the intellectual out of a job.”  Beautiful.

Day Trader” – Bad alternative career for lawyers #1

Day trading is a particularly bad choice for lawyers, a group that is notoriously risk-averse, for it’s a job that’s basically 100% risk.  There are few jobs where the price of failure is so great.  Also, lawyers tend to believe that they are the smartest people in the room.  Thinking that way has been the death of a gazillion day traders.  “I know, I know, but I have a system that I’ve devised. . . .“   Walk away…fast.

Ride-sharing Company Driver” – Bad alternative career for lawyers #2

An equally bad choice is ridesharing driver.  Before looking down your nose at this, we know of at least two laid-off attorneys who wound up driving for a 4-letter ride-sharing company. It’s not funny.  It’s bad, really bad.

Cooped up in a car for at least 8 hours, no peace, having to pee in a bottle and listen to inane conversations going on behind you while fighting through traffic is awful.  

Worst of all, though, you must listen to people patronizing you all day.

“So, how long have you been driving for 4-letter company?”

“Do you like driving for 4-letter company?”

“What do you consider the best part of your job?”                                        


Not to drag this out too long, but as bad as working for a 4-letter ride-sharing company is, nothing is worse than driving for ridesharing companies, which provide group rides.  Here you’re multiplying the passengers and the aggravation.

Sous Chef” – Bad alternative career for lawyers #3

Someone we know, who ran screaming from a job working for a plaintiff securities firm landed a spot as a sous chef at the once great restaurant ‘XYZ’.  It wasn’t long before he wanted to metaphorically chop up the Chef.

Right from the start, there’s the training involved.  You can’t just be a sous chef; you actually have to go to culinary school.  This involves a year’s commitment and then there is the cost. Culinary Institute of America is $40,000 for the year. (Can that be right?)

The actual job involves long hours, low wages, angry chefs, bad smells, vermin, funny hats, cut fingers, and burnt hands.  If you are at certain firms and you want to be yelled at, you may as well stay and be yelled at by the usual suspects and  random bitter partners roaming the halls.  At least you’re being paid well.

We would welcome your thoughts.  Above, is just the tip of the iceberg on the many bad alternative careers for lawyers.

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